Give up the Ghost

by Southtowne Lanes

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about

Give Up the Ghost was recorded in July and August of 2015.

credits

released February 3, 2016

Derek Leisy recorded and engineered the album. Adam Cichocki mixed, mastered, and produced the album. Art direction was done by Will Hayward and Nickie Bina.

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Southtowne Lanes Eugene, Oregon

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Track Name: The Long Bright Dark
Walk with me tonight. Though I cannot see you, I feel you here. I want to talk about us; I want to talk about time. I want to go back to the summer, to the winter, to the fall, to the spring. I fear if I do not remember these times, they will be lost and forgotten, cold and alone, one day these memories will fade away and be gone. Maybe we can remember the gist of it all, just not the feeling. Never the feelings: the warmth, the laughter, the heartbreak, the loss. So let’s walk, and I’ll take you back.
Track Name: Homecoming (Fall)
We always said you had a lot of stories, we always thought that more than half of them weren’t true. But some of them just seemed too real, like how you got all those scars on your back.

Farewell, we both knew that I couldn’t stay. I never wanted to leave; I never wanted to believe that people go their ways, sometimes without goodbyes.
Farewell, we both knew that you couldn’t stay. You never wanted to leave; you never wanted to believe that old friends part ways, sometimes without goodbyes. Now I look back and you won’t be there at all.

And like waking from a bad dream, you won’t be there at all.

Farewell, we both knew that I couldn’t stay. I never wanted to leave; I never wanted to believe that people go their ways, sometimes without goodbyes.
Farewell, we both knew that you couldn’t stay. You never wanted to leave; you never wanted to believe that old friends part ways, sometimes without goodbyes.
And I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, but back home last week this kid had overdosed. And I need you to know that I think of you more than you could ever know.
Track Name: October
But you’ve watched, so many of us come… and do we go? What brought all of us to you? Or is it that we had never left?

But there has to be more than this. Please. There has to be more than you, cause I don’t think that I can go on walking on this endless street.

Cause every time I leave, every time I love, I see wonders, I see wonders.
I’m starting to think that they are just delusions to make me feel hope.
I can’t find more; I can’t find a way out of your arms, out of your reach.
Cause every time I leave, every time I love, your unfailing hands drag me back.
Like the rake pulls leaves into the pile.
Like the rake pulls leaves into the pile, you pull me back against my will to the summer, winter, fall, and the spring.
Like the rake pulls leaves into the pile.

But I can see leaves left behind.
They’ve been picked up by the wind.
And they fly high, high in the sky, looking down on this pile of dead leaves.
Track Name: The Circle
Fall back, before you say something that you don’t mean. Like how it’s my fault the family left.
Please just fall back, before I say something I do mean. Like how your mind is gone for good.

And it’s true; nostalgia is the lowest form of conversation. But sometimes I just need to remember that this isn’t conversation. It’s a eulogy to a man still alive who’s given up on feeling.

Can you converse with the dead? Can you talk with the shell of used-to-be? Can you tell me that you’re okay? Can you please look me in the eyes when you say that every day is getting better, every day is getting better, every day is getting better…

And it’s true; nostalgia is the lowest form of conversation. But sometimes I just need to remember that this isn’t conversation. It’s a eulogy to a man still alive who’s given up on feeling anything at all.

Please don’t try, cause I’ve heard, and I know. Now I feel, and I see that you’re going, going, going, yeah you’re gone.
Track Name: Pigeon Man (Spring)
Holidays don’t feel the same. Everyone dances around your name.

Every time I meant to write you or call, I meant to ask what your life was like when you were my age. Did you fall in love?
Did you ever feel like we were all meant to be the same, even when we parted the veil of death? Did you feel we’re not gone, just lost?

Not dead, just lost.

Maybe we’re read in the same pages.
Maybe death is just a closed book.
So open it.

First chapter reads: “Death is a veil; on one side hope, on the other side knowing.”
Track Name: When Sun Hits Water
Let it go. Still your mouth and listen.

I never wanted to say this twice. You know I never wanted to say this once.
There is nothing that can be done. Yeah this one’s on you.
You never wanted to be like him. You know you never wanted fade away.
You are solid (you are alive), you are not a ghost.

Hold on tight, lest this word swallow you whole. Leave no trace of you to be remembered in tears and in grief. Potential burning out is terrible not in what once was, but what could have been.

Let it go. Still your mouth and listen.
Let the words just drop and fade, please let the words just stop and fall away. Cause the way you talk, god the way you breathe suffocates the ones you love with apathy.
I never wanted to say this twice. You know I never wanted to say this once.
There is nothing that can be done. Yeah this one’s on you.
You never wanted to be like him. You know you never wanted fade away.
You are solid (you are alive), you are not a ghost.
I see you reaching out; I see you falling down.

Please don’t take this thinking that I’m giving up on you. I swear I’m not, and I won’t let go. I just fear that one day I’ll wake to you never waking up, like that dream I had about dad.
But for you there is time.
Stand tall.
Feel the waves crash.
Let the tide rise and let it fall.
Rip the water from your lungs as you scream out: “Never give up. There is always hope.”

I will always be here for you.
Track Name: Out of the Blue... (Winter)
And when you went to see them did they put you under? Or were you awake when they pulled out all your insides and made you clear?

Transparent: you’re the ghost of a has-been presence.

Tranquil: you’re so at ease with the demons hiding out your backdoor.
Trusting: you’re so naive with the surgeons knocking on your backdoor.
And I know you hear them knocking, I know you won't let them in.

Tranquil: you’re so at ease with the demons hiding out your backdoor.
Trusting: you’re so naive with the surgeons knocking on your backdoor.

But the surgeons left a hole in your heart and you left your window open, and now you sit with your hands on your legs and you don't see them coming...

And that’s where you’ll stay.
That’s where you’ll be, when the surgeons give you that final surgery.
Now I can see you bleeding out: watch your blood flow down into a hole deep in the ground.
Track Name: And into the Black
And now you can’t dig yourself out. You can’t take back twenty-two years. You’ve been confined to this low end; it would take just as long to get out. And your hands tear apart as you try to claw your way out, but you fall.

As the dirt slowly falls around your head like shaggy hair in your face, just let the ground completely envelop you, like the tide pulls in its waves. And when you swim in with the tide, you end up right where you had started.

But you got fingers out. And you rise up… got your head above the ground just long enough to prove that the dying man is not dead, to prove that the love once found is found again. To prove that the love we make will never stale, to prove that the life we live will never fail, unless we give up hope. Unless we give up all the rest. Just give up all the rest.

Love is this:
holding on when letting go.
Love is this:
digging up everything gone.
Love is this:
finding life inside the dead.
Love is this:
seeing you see me again.
Track Name: A Storm
(I can’t sleep.)

You moved into my home. You brought yourself back to life, maybe at the cost of mine (at least for tonight.) I can’t run, I can’t leave. You pull me back against my will to the summer, to the winter, to the fall, to the spring. So tell me how our atoms ended up on the same block tonight.

Cause I swear that if we’re only molecules, then this is for nothing. If we’re only molecules, then this is for nothing.

Every time we sit you’re first to go. And it’s when you’re gone that I feel you like a wind. Hear you like a wind. Get caught up in you like a bird blown asunder.

But this time I walk away. This time you’re alone. Caught up in my storm, your wind becomes my own. Cause you’re not here, and you never were. (You’re just a ghost,) you were never here, you’re just a ghost (you’re just a ghost.)

Cause I swear that if we’re only molecules, then this is for nothing. If we’re only molecules, then this is for nothing at all.

I swear that we’re more than moments colliding, crashing, falling down.
I swear there’s more than space between us.
I swear that if I’m wrong then I will make my bed, go to sleep, go to sleep, I’m for nothing.
Track Name: Deadlights
Pretty soon you will see that all that we can hope to be are ghosts in someone else’s dreams. Breathe; step, repeat.
Breathe; step, repeat.

I will wait for you here. I will wait for your name to blot out into the dirt under my boots, into the last sip of my glass, until you couldn’t tell difference between love and cost; the hurt and the loss.

Pretty soon you will see that all that we can hope to be are ghosts in someone else’s dreams. We breathe; step, repeat. We breathe; step, repeat.

And I wouldn’t send the letters, and I wouldn’t make the calls. But you can see me up ahead, floating with the ghosts. Floating along, floating along…

If you ever give up yourself, blend in with us. We sing, we dance, we can float (always floating.) We are always floating in between love and cost; the hurt and the loss.

He thrust his fists against the post, and still insists he sees the ghosts.
Track Name: The Choir of the Night (Summer)
Highway tell me, please tell me who all these people are. I can’t remember all their names or who they are. Highway tell me; please tell me where and when this road will end. Tell me what I’m going to get, tell me what’s at the end.

To you I say this, “while time is absent, we are not. Life is gone, but love is not.” Please put down the pen, put down your thoughts, the past is the past. And I’m past recalling names.

We have no names,
we have no lives,
but we have our hearts,
we have our hearts.

We are the chorus in the night; we are the darkness in the light.
We are what’s left when she made it home.
I am what I write, I am what I write. I am just floating along now.

Finally let go of what held you back, of what stayed your hand, of what gave you that purpose. Finally let go of what tightened your strings, of what kept you whole, of what held you together.
Finally let go of what kept you going, of what caught your breathe, of what kept you living. Finally let go of what kept your faith, of what made you “you”, cause what “you are” is all back in the past. It’s just a dream, and it’s your grave.

Now please wake up, it’s time you rise, and just let go of everything that ever had worth to you or to him or to her and accept that we are the chorus in the night, we are the darkness in the light. We are what’s left when he made it home. I am what I write, I am what I write. I am just floating along now.

Highway tell me, please tell me who all these people are. I can’t remember all their names, or who they are. Or who I am, or what this is, or why we’ve all been gathered here.
Why are we here?
What did we do?
What did we do?
What did we do?
Track Name: Desiderata
I know you feel alone a lot, but I’ve tried not to tell you what I really think.
I think you’re afraid to let go, but you’re also afraid to commit.
I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life, I just want you to live it.
But if you’d walk with me right now…

Someone asked me today how greedy I think I am.
I said I wasn’t at all, but that my pride gets in the way.
It felt wrong to say, but I didn’t take it back.
I don’t know who I really am; I don’t where all this goes.

But I have your love, I have your laughs, and I have your ghosts to keep me warm. But it was never enough…

It was never enough to keep this in my head; I’ve had to show you the kind of life that I’ve lead. To let you know that I’m here. To let you know we’re the same.
To let you know you’re not alone.
To let you know we are the ghosts.
Though I walk alone, I am not without my memories.
They keep me warm,
they keep me safe,
they keep me here.
Keep me awake,
keep me with you.