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Break Me

by Southtowne Lanes

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1.
I miss missing you. I thought it could be easier to feel nothing towards you, but I’m not so sure on that anymore. And as much as it hurt, at least it was something. At least I felt attached to someone. I had something to hope for, something to dream about. I had this flame buried somewhere in my chest,but I think you finally smothered it. Are you happy? I should think not—you never were. You didn't intend for any of this to happen, but it still did. Are you happy? I should think not—you never were.I intended for a lot of things to happen, but they never did. I guess a part of me finally gave up. I’m starting to think that all of me did, but I try not to think that. Now that it’s finally happening, I wish it weren’t. Your presence in my head has dimmed from a roar to a reminder of something that isn’t there anymore. Are you happy? I should think not—you never were. You didn't intend for any of this to happen, but it still did. Are you happy? I should think not—you never were.I intended for a lot of things to happen, but they never did. I don’t want to write this, I don’t want to say it. It feels final when I do this. I think I know what happens next, and it’ll probably break me all over again. But to be honest, when I saw you today, I felt alone again.
2.
Dead Weight 04:33
Now I’ll ask you to imagine it: sweat on sweat and melt in fabric. The lovers pull each other’s hair, and breathe each name into the air. Then they lock hands, up the tempo; love and lust make full crescendo. And all the while I rest empty, ‘til you come home, and you tell— Everything just broke into my head. My life is splattered on the walls. My life is splattered on the floor. If I could just close my eyes, then maybe I could be okay. Then maybe we could be okay. –tell me what I've already known. You took my fear and made it your home. I've lost control. I've lost control. I've lost control. Everything just broke into my head, My life is splattered on the walls. My life is splattered on the floor. If I could just close my eyes, then maybe I could be okay. Then maybe we could be okay. But I can’t seem to get them to shut. I think I’m watching myself fall. I think I’m watching myself die. Rip out my eyes, fall to the floor. Hear you cry out. Feel you reaching out. I wish I could fall asleep forever (If I could just close my eyes).
3.
Take Me Away 03:22
I've fucked up once again, thinking that perfection means I’m not left behind. But it’s a long lost craft. I’m fucked with all my friends. I’m done with everything I finished the whole flask, the night it never lasts. Goddamn it, please don't just leave me here by myself. I don't want to be alone. I'm so scared. I'm doing the best that I can, but I’m starting to lose my touch. I think I’ll let go now, cause nothing I do ever changes anything, and yet nothing I do ever seems to change. Take my life or take me away. Goddamn it, please don't just leave me here by myself. I don't want to be alone. I'm so scared. I'm doing the best that I can, but I’m starting to lose my touch. I think I’ll let go now, cause nothing I do ever changes anything, and yet nothing I do ever seems to change.
4.
Eulogy 03:32
You had to boost me up cause I’ve always been awful at climbing fences. At least until we brought the hedge clippers to put a whole near the ground. We’d climb up that ladder, and I can remember the first time we were up there we knew we had to do something. Something big, something pretty, something to remember. It ended up being all about me, but you didn't care cause you could help. And you were rigging everything to blow, while I watched from afar. That’s how it went that summer: with us smiling at the last vestiges of childhood and innocence as the black sky exploded above us. As the music drifted out over our heads, you ran out in the field, laid next to the fuse. From the scoreboard I watched a flame light up your face, then I saw as that car circled back towards the field. And I felt my stomach tense, but the grin on my face was watching our next move. So I watched a spotlight up your body; and as you ran for your life, and the fireworks lit up everything, we were immortal. Everything takes flight and we all move on and we all grow up and we all forget and we all grasp at what’s left but it’s all gone.
5.
Starkblast 04:39
I’m standing in the ruins of a house that once was. It tore down all the walls—it tore my fucking house apart. As I stumble through the ruins, I come across old sheets of paper. And on all of them is written “the storm comes with no intention of stopping.” I almost wish I hadn't, but I've lived to see what’s left. And in its wake, I stand naught but bones and sorrow. I felt it gather in the air the weeks before, felt the air argue with its very self in utter defiance. It felt unnaturally warm, like summer air in the winter. And still I looked away at better times and better summers. And when the walls trembled and the pictures fell, I lifted a glass to my lips and watched. I’d been told the signs and given the warnings, but for reasons still unknown to me I walked into that storm. And when the walls trembled and the pictures fell, I lifted a glass to my lips and watched. I watched the trees split down the middle, as cold heaved itself through their bark. And I watched her hands take their place on my face, before they tore away the skin on my cheeks. The storm came in as the land lay asleep, and it shook my body to its core. I watched the trees split down the middle, as cold heaved itself through their bark. And I watched her hands take their place on my face, before they tore at the skin on my cheeks. I was left outside with the wind at my face, and it left me naught but bones and sorrow.
6.
Break Me 04:18
All I do anymore is take. You think that I’m some kind of friend, but I cannot help you. I got nothing to offer. I will give you nothing. Give me your condolences, give me your support. I need you to get me through this. I won’t be there for you. Think about the past. Think about what I’ve done. Think about who I am. Think about what will come. I’m sorry that it has to be this way. I’ll make you wish you’d stayed away because I am going to take your love, and I am going to turn it into my own gain. I am a shadow on your life. I could once cry with you. But I will take everything from you. I will disappoint you until you forget about me. I’m sorry that it has to be this way. I’ll make you wish you’d stayed away because I am going to take your love, and I am going to turn it into my own gain. I would change nothing. I would do everything the same. I have no regrets. I have nothing. Break me.

about

This E.P. was recorded over the course of a five day period in May of 2013.

credits

released July 1, 2013

All tracking, mixing and mastering for the E.P. was done with Derek Leisy at D-Wreckords Studio in Portland, Oregon.

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Southtowne Lanes Eugene, Oregon

PNW Emo.

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